the game thingie
by sQuIsHeDbRoCcOlLi
Summary: shinigami discover the technological wonder of the thing called video games. please R&R! my first fic be nice you can tell me how to improve
1. shinigami meet video game!

DISCLAIMER--

Not mine. Not the game thingie, and not Bleach (cleaning agent or otherwise).

So far, all had arrived except for the sixth division taichou. The soutaichou waited impatiently as Byakuya proceeded on at a speed that would deeply flatter a snail. a long while later, he bored every single taichou and fukutaichou (except himself) with an hour-long lecture about the invasion of seireitei by the arrancars. He obviously had no sense of urgency. Having used up majority of his spit, Yamamoto began dishing out orders to his audience, in the process using up the dying breaths of his spit-producing glands for the time being. He slowly went through the divisions while his semi-conscious audience wondered how he had come up with such an amazingly long list of orders.

Having gone further down the line, Mastumoto and Kenpachi exchanged weird looks as the soutaichou ceremoniously ignored their taichou/fukutaichou's orders.

'Um. Yes. 11th division fukutaichou stay here. 10th division taichou stay here and look after her.'

'YOU BIASED EXPIRED CRACKED RAISIN TELL ME WHY I SHOULD STAY HERE OR I'LL KICK YOU IN THE FACE'

Without waiting for an answer he swung a kick and missed, his height failing him again.

'YAY LET'S WATCH FINDING NEMO!!'

Yachiru gawped at the screen as an orange-and-white fish hugged a grossly pulsating orange orb. Hitsugaya squatted in a corner puking over the unreality of it all.

The ever-hyper midget of a shinigami jumped up and screamed 'LET'S WATCH SOMETHING ELSE!!' she inserted another disc and continued gawping at the screen. Hitsugaya took Hyourinmaru and started slashing his wrist as an extremely ugly (and fat) purple-and-green dinosaur wannabe thing that insisted on being called "barney" claimed to be cleaning its teeth while scrubbing its mouth with a toilet scrubber. When it was over, Yachiru changed the disc again.

'Ohhh…….can we use this?' the 2 shinigamis stared at the screen as the world's cheesiest music blasted out of the speakers.

Ukitake poked his head into the room, only to find two of his fellow shinigamis gawping at a screen and directing some animated figures around. 'Ahh. I came to get you some food, but….what're you guys doing?'

'Playing this game thingie!! It's fun! You wanna play?' Yachiru happily snatched Hitsugaya's console away and handed it to Ukitake.

'ÁAH! MY SCOURGE! YACHIRU SEE WHAT YOU DID TO MY SCOURGE!'

'Wasn't me. HIS fault. 'She took her hand off the console and pointed at Ukitake. ' AAH! MY SENTINAL! UKITAKE SEE WHAT YOU DID TO MY SENTINAL!'

'TAAIIIIIIICHOOOOOUUUUUUUU!!' Sentarou and Kiyone broke the door in.

'We came—'

'To find you—'

'But now do you—'

'Want anything?'

'AND DON'T CUT MY SENTENCES OFF YOU bleep!!' the 2 screamed at each other for quite a while.

'Uh, right. Go get me a coke. '

They charged out of the room, breaking what was left of the doorframe.

'Ahem. Where do you happen to be going?' the 2 met with the presence of a certain someone who liked being strangled by a piece of noble cloth and walked at the speed of a snail.

'We _happen_ to be getting coke.'

'Why?'

'For Ukitake taichou'

'What's he doing?'

'WHY'RE YOU INTERROGATING US??'

'Answer my question'

'Playing this game thingie.'

'WHAT??' and from there on he rambled on about wartime and appropriate times for everything and anything under the sun. And then he broke every single rule, spoken or unspoken, in the Kuchiki book of rules (but it doesn't matter as seeing he probably wrote them all himself). Someone like that rampaging down the corridors or otherwise (i.e. the roof) was definitely something that should be caught on camera. Better still, on film.

Byakuya broke the remains of the remains of the first division quarters doorframe on his way in. 'What is this?'

The whole room (population 3, excluding the snail-walker) turned to look at the intruder.

Yachiru happily answered, 'it's a game thingie!! See, you play it like this, and then like—'

'Wait. Aren't you suiciding that thing?' the sixth division taichou stared confusedly at the screen.

'AAAHH YACHIRU HOW CAN YOU SUICIDE MY ARMY??' Ukitake flapped around (something else to be caught on camera).

'But you never said I couldn't…'

'TAAIIIIIIICHOOOOOUUUUUUUU!!' WE BROUGHT YOUR COKE!!'

'Hm? Ah, put it there…'

Kiyone turned around to see Byakuya gawping at the screen, controlling an army of sentinels. 'Ohh…Kuchiki-taichou, you like this game thingie too?'

'Mm.'

'Can I play against you?'

'Mm.' the sixth division captain mumbled unintelligibly as Ukitake handed the console over to his subordinate. Sentarou leaned over and snatched the console away from the sixth division taichou. Rather amusingly, the stoned snail remained in his position, under the impression that he was still in charge of an army. (Does seireitei have CCTV?)

Mastumoto broke the lasts of the doorframe as she crashed through. 'Taichou, emergency announcement, I—'she stared at the room's population. It seemed to have tripled. She turned to gawp at the screen. 'What's that? Is it a game? Can I play?' without waiting for an answer (like her superior) she leaned in. 'Sentarou gimme that thing' she mumbled, and promptly snatched the console from the said shinigami and proceeded to suicide half the army before realising what she was doing.

Renji blasted through the ex-door, breaking a hole in the wall that (used to) surround the door and doorframe (that hole just gets bigger and bigger). 'EMERGENCY ANNOUNCE—'he scanned the room and addressed his taichou. 'Wait, what'cha doin' here? You stoning or somethin'?'

'Mmph.'

'ANSWER ME YOU STONY LUMP!'

'Mmph.'

'And…whassat thing on the screen?'

Yachiru looked up. 'It's a game thingie!! You wanna play? Lookies! Kiyone gimme that. Look! Look! Look! See? You know how to play now?'

'No.'

'Never mind. Play anyway. It's fun!!'

'AAAH RENJI THAT'S MY SENTINEL YOU JUST KILLED OFF!!' squawked a certain 11th division san-seki.


	2. bright flashing lights

DISCLAIMER--

Not mine. Not the game thingie, and not Bleach (cleaning agent or otherwise).

'Is it my turn yet…?' asked a rather annoyed, highly deprived of sleep (and therefore height), white-haired person.

'AHH! I FORGOT ABOUT YOU!!' screamed the ever-hyper Yachiru.

'YOU WHAT?'

'I FORGOT!! SO SORRY!!'

'You don't sound sorry at all. Anyway, can I play?'

'YOU LIKE IT??'

'You got a problem? Lemme play. And why're you shouting in my face?'

'YOU BETTER NOT STONE TOO!! LIKE HIM!!' she pointed at a still-stoned Byakuya.

'STOP SHOUTING!'

'YOU'RE SHOUTING TOO! WHY CAN'T I SHOUT TOO?'

'THAT'S CUZ' YOU STARTED IT! Give over.' And he snatched the console away from the person geographically closest to him, who happened to be his subordinate.

A drunken Kira dragged Hisagi around the corridors of seireitei, drinking a bottle of sake and lugging a crate load more. Mastumoto leaned out of the room and shouted, 'HEY KIRA COME HERE!!' she waved violently. 'Can I have some of that?' she asked, staring pointedly at the crate he was dragging along. 'Oh, hi Hisagi! Wanna drink with us?'

'NO.'

'Aww…c'mon…'

'NO. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO AND NO!'

As the drunken Kira attempted to play Hisagi on the game thingie, Hanatarou popped in. 'Hey people! 12th division just manufactured this stuff that's supposed to help you in battle but I dunno how actually. Anyway, Unohana taichou told me to give one to everyone in seireitei and so…um…what's that?' he looked at the screen. 'And…does he need…some kind of help?' the fourth division seventh-seat glanced at Byakuya.

Oomaeda wandered aimlessly down the corridors, somehow pulling off the amazing feat of simultaneously eating crackers and picking his nose while wandering around without getting food poisoning. He noticed the room full of shinigami as he passed the first division quarters and went in, bumping into Hanatarou in the process. The two stood, somehow awestruck by the new technology sitting in the corner of the room. It didn't take five seconds to get them sitting centimetres away from the technological wonder, killing armies off, opponents or otherwise. But before that, Oomaeda paused to kidnap Ukitake's coke.

'Hey! That's mine!'

'Never mind! We all know you're a very kind and loving and generous person, thereby donating the coke to my bottomless pit of a stomach!'

'I…am?'

Byakuya, having been pushed around in every direction (including up and down) now sat in a corner, fingers moving rapidly, apparently deluged into the idea that he was still playing the game.

Iba ran around seireitei, beginning to wonder about the amazing shortage of shinigami that suddenly occurred. Coincidentally, he ran past the first division quarters, and, through the gaping hole in the wall, saw what seemed to be the large majority of those he knew. He joined the party.

By this time a large population of the shinigami in the first division quarters were very unhappy. Due to the sudden increase in population (starting with 2, but now 13), many did not get a turn in a rather long time, which resulted in the temporary unconsciousness of 6 people, who woke up half an hour later. The other 6 (not counting Byakuya, considering his mental state) were, by then, extremely satisfied, having had their play time doubled.

In the supposedly peaceful environment of the fourth division quarters, Isane and Unohana were having an argument. A heated one. About who should go look for Hanatarou and question what took him over an hour to deliver some pills. Eventually, Isane lost on the grounds that Unohana had a higher rank than her.

Isane found Hanatarou, still fully-equipped with an entire bag of pills. She opened her mouth. Before she could scold him (or say anything of use for that matter), she gawped at the screen everyone in the room (except Byakuya) seemed to be fixed on. 'Whassat?'

Yachiru bounced up in a sugar high (from Ukitake's/Oomaeda's coke, which she stole) and yelled 'IT'S A GAME!! Come play! It goes like this, and like this, and like this…' she (once again) snatched the console from whoever had it and handed it to the fourth division fukutaichou, who, as with everyone else, proceeded to do something disastrous.

Back in the fourth division quarters, with its peace finally restored, Unohana wondered what took her subordinate 30 minutes to find someone. She went to look for her subordinate, sitting on Minatsuki, obviously of the impression that it was a better mode of transport than her own feet.

At the gaping hole of the first division quarters, of which the door had been mercilessly taken down bit by bit, Unohana stood, staring at the large number of shinigami, all supposedly at battle with the arrancars. Isane looked out to see her rather puzzled taichou.

'Taichou, it's this new game-thingie! Come and play!'

Yachiru, still in a sugar high, rushed out of the room and dragged Unohana in, equipping her with the control that used to be in Matsumoto's possession.

A while later, Unohana was pushed to the side of the room, gibbering and under the impression that she was still playing a game. She looked uncannily similar to the sixth division taichou. Ukitake promptly snatched the control away.

'Old people shouldn't spend too much time in front of bright flashing lights,' he said, seconds before he started gibbering unintelligibly.

'Old people shouldn't spend too much time in front of bright flashing lights,' intoned Sentarou, grabbing the control away from his taichou, at the same time pushing him in between Unohana and Byakuya.

The three gibbered.

Everyone else laughed.


	3. rubber duckies

DISCLAIMER:

Not mine. Not the game thingie, and not bleach (cleaning agent or otherwise).

'YACHIRUUUUUUUU!!'

The small pink-haired shinigami perked up. 'Ah, Ken-chan!' she ran out of the room and bounced into Kenpachi's face.

'Ah, good to see you're alive…'

'Whaddya mean?'

'Well, I was thinking that if anyone came in and attacked, our dear tenth division taichou couldn't…'

'YOU THOUGHT WHAAAAT??'

'Did someone say something?'

'SAY THAT AGAIN??'

'Hm. I wonder who said that…'

'C'MON I DARE YOU TO SAY THAT AGAIN'

'Maybe I should look down…'

'SHUTUP!'

'Ah. Good to see you're alive too, tenth division taichou…'

'I HEARD your insults, in case you didn't realise.'

'Hm? What d'you say?'

'Kenpachi, you…'

'Sorry, too far down, didn't hear you. Lemme squat down, then we can repeat this wonderfully friendly conversation, okay?'

He bent down and was greeted with a kick in the face.

A bypassing Hinamori lifted her leg up and dealt a swift kick, sending Histugaya onto the floor.

Both males stood up rubbing their right cheeks.

'SHIRO-CHAN YOU DON'T GO HITTING PEOPLE FOR NO REASON!'

'Well, then what d'you think YOU just did then?'

'It was for a just cause. YOU hit him first, after all.'

'But he hit me first! In the psychological department!'

'Psychological and physical are two completely different things.'

The awkwardly silent Yachiru popped back to life, dragging the three people into the room, forcing Kenpachi and Hinamori in front of the screen, babbling 'C'mon Ken-chan, it's fun! Go on…and watch the door!' as he made the hole bigger with his large frame.

As time passed, Yachiru became steadily more and more violent, grabbing anyone off the passing corridor. The first such victim was the eighth division fukutaichou, Nanao.

'Come in! I don't CARE what duty you have, come in and play, 'cuz its fun, and all work and no play makes me sadistically violent!!' having said what she did, Yachiru dragged a protesting Nanao bodily into the first division quarters.

'Eh, Yachiru-chan, I think you're already violent enough…'

'All the more reason you should come in!'

Far off in the distance, eighth division taichou Kyouraku's voice echoed around seireitei. 'Nanao-chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!! Nanao-chaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!!' he ran past the first division quarters, noticing is dear fukutaichou. He screeched to a sudden halt, leaving friction-burn marks on the polished floor. Kyouraku burst into the room, dislodging some of the loose remains of the wall that used to surround the door. One piece clonked him on the head.

'Ah, there you are, my Nanao-chan.'

The eighth division fukutaichou froze in front of the screen. Very slowly, she turned around and, in a quick motion, slapped her taichou across the cheek, abandoning her console. Her opponent, Hinamori, abandoned the game and kicked Nanao in the knees.

'Nanao-san, you don't go hitting people for no reason!'

'And what did _you_ just do, may I ask?'

'It was for a just cause. You hit him, after all.'

'He mentally traumatised me! Isn't that reason enough for me to hit him?'

'Psychological and physical are two completely different things.'

'History repeats itself,' muttered Hitsugaya as he and Kiyone snatched the consoles and started playing.

'I feel a little violent today, don't you?' commented Hisagi, addressing Renji. As if telepathic, the pair simultaneously leapt forward, striking whoever blocked their path across on the head until they reached the screen. Then they snatched the consoles from Kiyone and Hitsugaya, and proceeded with the game.

Kira and Matsumoto had by then finished off the entire crate of sake and obviously, were very drunk.

'Rubber duckie…'

Hinamori strutted up to the screen and hit Hisagi and Renji on the back. 'Don't hit people without reason!'

'Oww…'

'Here we go again…hey, since you're so interested in rights and justices, why don't you get them to give it back to me?'

'Rubber duckie…?'

'No WAY, Shiro-chan. I may support equal justice, but I don't snatch from people, and I don't hit people without appropriate reason. Because THAT is unjust.'

'Rubber duckie!'

'Whatever.'

Kyouraku stepped in and snatched both consoles away from Hisagi and Renji. Rather self-satisfied, he sat down and challenged Yachiru. All of five seconds later, she pushed him away from the screen and grabbed Iba, saying, 'old people shouldn't spend too much time in front of bright, flashing lights!'

'Rubber duckie'

'Stop it with the rubber duckies! Since you're so interested, go find Ernie!'

'Rubber duckie…?'

'You know…Sesame Street…?'

'Rubber duckie?'

'Never mind. Go away.'

'Rubber duckie…'

'SHUT THE WINDOW.'

'No. why should I?'

'CUZ IT'S TOO BLEEPIN'COLD'

'Well, it's too bleepin' HOT if I close it'

'IT IS NOT. IT WILL STILL BE AMAZINGLY COLD IF YOU CLOSE IT'

'Nobody asked the arrancar to attack during winter. And I don't think it's against any law to open windows in seireitei.'

'You and your stupid love for cold weather. Shut the window before we get attacked by snow.'

'Not my fault.'

'WILL THE TWO OF YOU JUST SHUT UP??'

'NO.'

Kira took amazing aim (for someone drunk) and threw two sake bottles at Oomaeda and Hitsugaya. They hit.

'Ow…'

'POO-HEAD!'

Outside the first division quarters, the twelfth division taichou frowned as he heard the eleventh division fukutaichou address him. He stepped into the room.

'I am NOT a poo-head. Would you care to tell me, which part of me looks like a poo? In particular, my head?'

'I dunno.'

'WELL DON'T CALL PEOPLE NAMES! ESPECIALLY WHEN THERE'S NO RELATION!'

'Never mind! I think it sounds nice, and so do you.'

'I do NOT.'

'Well if you don't say so then come in!'

He was dragged in. Nemu followed (well, otherwise what would she do? Run?)

'Poo-head, how old are you?'

'It doesn't concern you.' Clearly absorbed into the game, Mayuri wasn't actually paying attention.

'Well, I know you're old enough to become Fertilizer-head but then I think Poo-head sounds nicer. Anyway, don't play too much. You don't wanna end up like THEM.' She jerked a miniscule thumb at the gibbering trio. 'Poo-head, you might wanna invent somethin' that can prevent that kinda effect, cuz' we all know everyone wants to have a fun time playing the game thingie!'

Everyone else in the room sent her a glare, like Hey, the less of us there are in this room, the happier we get.

'Threetwoone JINGLE BELLS POO-HEAD STINKS HE'S STARTING TO ROT!!'

'It's not Christmas yet, so shutup and come up with a better song next week.'

_--_

_I know it's nowhere near Christmas or winter but never mind, as seeing it's fun to make fun of it that way. Please review!!_


	4. noble gases

DISCLAIMER

Not mine. Not the game thingie, and not bleach. (cleaning agent or otherwise)

'I need krypton.'

'…'

'Or argon.'

'...'

'Or neon.'

'…'

'Or xenon.'

'…'

'Or radon.'

'…'

'How 'bout helium? Anyone have helium?'

'Hm…that sounds suspiciously like taichou…mm…ah…oh dear.'

Renji turned around to find that his superior had seemingly gotten back from bright-flashing-lights-world. But it seemed he wasn't quite normal yet.

'Why would you need any of that?'

'TO BREATHE!!'

'No you don't, you need this thing that makes up 89 of a water molecules' weight called oxygen.'

'THEY ARE THE NOBLE GASES DON'T YOU SEE??'

'…no. I don't.'

'Didn't you study chemistry and the periodic table and everything?'

'Who would?'

'Anyway, get me some.'

'YOU WANT TO INHALE HELIUM??'

'…yes.'

'GET ME A CAMERA, SOMEONE!!'

'Kuchiki taichou, sit here and play this wonderful game thingie while I get your…um…helium.'

Five minutes later, the sixth division taichou was back in the ranks of the gibberers. Holding a helium balloon. And having fun with it.

'…This is traumatising.'

'It was YOUR idea after all.'

'Shutup, Hisagi.'

'He's gonna kill you when he finds out.'

'IF he finds out.'

'If…?'

'YES. IF.'

'Is any one of you two idiots coming to play against me, or should I just play by myself?'

The whole room turned to look at Iba like; Don't I get to play, too?'

'What's this?'

Komamura stood in the doorway, which was newly broken (again).

'AH! BUCKET-HEAD!!'

'Bucket…head?'

'OH WAIT! IT SHOULD BE EX-BUCKET-FOX-HEAD!!'

'…'

'HEY EX-BUCKET-FOX-HEAD! JOIN US!!' and a small pink bomb exploded in his face, simultaneously dragging him into the room.

'Ohh…what a bushy TAIL you have…ex-bucket-fox-head…'

'All the better to HIT you with!'

'No you can t! That's child abuse!'

'You don't BEHAVE like a normal child!'

'So? Play the game thingie! And have a coke! But don't finish it. The side says 330ml. I suppose that isn't a lot.'

'HEY THAT'S MINE'

'You stopped drinking it.'

'Doesn't mean I don't want it.'

'Hey, Yachiru? This 330ml thing really must be really little, 'cuz there's nothing left already.'

'YA FINISHED IT??'

'I DIDN'T! I'M INNOCENT! I DIDN'T TOUCH IT!'

'So whad'you think you're doing now?'

'Touching it…?'

'And so…?

'What?'

'You said you didn't touch it! And you're HOLDING it! While telling me ya didn't TOUCH it!!'

Someone burped. Loudly.

A suspicious brown puddle sat in Oomaeda's lap as he played the game thingie.

'I'm innocent! Really!'

'By the way, ex-bucket-fox-head, don't play too long or else—'

'…'

Oomaeda poked the seventh division taichou. 'He's STONED!!'

'NUMBER FOUR!' yelled Yachiru.

Komamura got kicked out and to the side of the room to join his fellow ancient people and was subsequently taken over by Matsumoto.

'THE SKYYY IS FALLINGGG!!'

'The what?'

'The sky is falling.'

'Why?' CLONK.

'That's why.'

Renji shook Hisagi, who had a lump of ceiling-and-roof piled onto his head.

'Eh…you okay?'

'DO I SERIOUSLY LOOK LIKE I'M OKAY TO YOU??'

'Well, your mouth is functioning pretty well.'

Two golden rings attached to some cloth attached to a head poked through the destroyed roof. Okay, the head was attached to a body too.

'What's going on in here?'

'What's going on up THERE?'

'Nothing that concerns any of you, considering what you lot are doing…what ARE you doing? And what's my fukutaichou doing in front of a screen of bright lights?'

'Playing a game. You wanna come play?'

'Ah, taichou, hi.'

The small second division taichou kicked Oomaeda away and took over. And killed off half her army.

BLAM BLAM BLAM. '

'I think the floor's shaking.'

'Oh dear.'

'I have a rather bad feeling about this.'

Outside the first division quarters, Ikkaku and Yumichika ran.

'Don't RUN like that! It's not pretty!'

'Don't WHINE like that! It ain't pretty either!'

'I'm NOT whining! Don't accuse people like that; it's not pretty!'

'Stop being a vain pot, you vain bucket! It ain't pretty, if that's what you're so obsessed about!'

Something pink exploded as they passed the doorhole of the first division quarters.

'TSURURIN!!'

'OW OW OW OW OW OW OW'

'THULULIH!!'

'Ow ow ow ow don't BITE my head!'

Yachiru clamped her jaws down even harder.

'Cuh pay wih'uth!'

'The what?'

She released her grip. 'Come play with us! Taichou's inside too!' and she dragged him and Yumichika inside, then continued chomping down on something round and shiny.

'I was kind of wondering where everyone went but…'

Rukia stood dubiously in the doorhole of the first division quarters and noted that the taichou and fukutaichou of the first division weren't around. 'Does babysitting take the whole Gotei 13, short of the people who are actually supposed to utilise this room?'

'I'M NOT A BABY!'

'No, as you can see, a few have been incapacitated.' Kiyone took a quick glance around the room before returning to the game. Four lined up along the wall, one of which had a helium-filled ugly reincarnation of Dora the Explorer (who was ugly in the first place), and everyone else clamouring over two little thingies connected to the TV set by wires.

Rukia stared wide-eyed at her supposed brother and gawped. She dove into the crowd undaunted by the possible side effects, snatched a console and said, 'I'll play.'

Having killed more than half her army, she turned around and asked, 'so, how do you play this thing?'

--

'YAAAAAAAAAAHHR!! GET AWAY FROM ME!!'

'COME BACK KUROSAKIIIIIIII I AIN'T DONE WITH YOU YET!!'

'Shut up and slow down Grimmjow, I don't happen to be done with you yet either.'

'GAH ULQUIORRA YOU FOLLOWED ME??'

'Shut up and slow down, will you?'

'Itsygo?'

'GAH NEL YOU FOLLOWED ME?? What on earth are you lot DOING here anyway?'

'ARE YOU THICK OR SOMETHING? WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE WE'RE DOING?'

'Chasing me?'

'PLAYIN 'ENDLESS TAG!!'

'NO WAY.'

'Well it LOOKS like it…'

'Aw shutup.'

'You really ARE thick…'

'…If you ask me, the whole LOT of you are the thickest bunch of idiots I've ever seen in my ever-so-short lifetime.'

'Whoa Ulquiorra, never knew you had 1. such a short, depressing life and 2. such a large range of useless vocabulary.'

'Shutup, Grimmjow.'


	5. RETURN of the RAISIN

DISCLAIMER: not mine. Not the game thingie, and not bleach (cleaning agent or otherwise)

As the newcomers (i.e. Ichigo and company) entered the room, the room got squishier. To add on, the rest of the arrancar community miraculously arrived within five minutes. The room got even squishier. And its occupants got unhappier. And they were running out of floor space. Seeing it as the best course of action to take, Kiyone sat on the chair behind the desk, seconds after which she got pushed off by Sentarou.

'Get OFF you moustache-y beard-growing lumpy fatso!'

'Why should I?'

''Cuz I got there first.'

'But you got OFF'

'That was because YOU pushed me off! And don't look at me with the bambi-eye thing! Yes I'm talking to YOU, you big fat buffoon, you sorry excuse for a san-seki!'

She started pushing. He sat down hard, folded his arms, pouted and refused to move.

'Get OFF you flabby bambi or I'll SIT on you!'

'Fine.'

'You said it.' And she sat.

'OWOWOWOWOWOWOW!! How HEAVY are you? Really, YOU need slimming! Get off, BowlingBallButt!'

Mastumoto, having miraculously sobered up, reached out a leg and tipped the chair over.

'Shut UP you two, people are trying to PLAY the game thingie.' She gestured to herself and a confused Ichigo, who was surrounded by his good friends the arrancar.

'Get OFF my back, will ya? I'm trying to figure out how on EARTH this thing works okay?'

'But we wanna play TOO!'

'Too bad, there's only space for two of us.'

'But the box says we can play five against five!'

'We don't HAVE ten video game controls!'

Hinamori got up.

'Oh dear,' mumbled a rather polite, sworn-off-swearing person (though actually I have no idea who).

'Shut UP the lot of you! Have none of you numbskulls figured out my life's DREAM to have a PEACEFUL WORLD?? Aren't you ruining it and depressing me about how depressing the world can be? Don't you see it can be BETTER??'

Nemu looked up. 'Personally, I feel that your shouting doesn't exactly make the world a peaceful place either.'

'Shutup I'm EXCEPTIONAL. Don't you realise how IMPORTA—oh wait I said you guys were numbskulls, so you probably won't get ANYTHING at all…'

'Some kinda peaceful world,' mumbled Kenpachi.

'I HEARD that!'

Perched atop Ichigo's head with her knees in front of his neck and her feet on his shoulders and the control in her hands, Rukia spoke.

'YOU shut up. I'm trying to play this thing.'

'YOU get off my head! And give the control back to me!'

'Get it from Matsumoto. She has one too right?'

'But you took mine! Give it back!'

A violent occurrence ensued, miraculously involving Hinamori.

At another corner of the room, where the chair was fought over, something violent seemed to be taking place as well.

As we should all remember what happened in the paragraph before the last, Matsumoto kicked the soutaichou's chair down, as stated before, not while he was in it but two other people.

Strain on the legs of the chair while supporting the weight of two accursedly-heavy people and simultaneously being kicked, obviously, theoretically, it broke. Upon hitting the floor, the seat split into two, causing the backrest to crumble, as seeing how fragile it looked. In short, those of you who have read the fascinating story concerning goldilocks and three rather hairy mammals that had problems with consuming porridge, this must sound pretty familiar, concerning the Amazing Adventures Of Baby Mammal's Poor Little Chair.

Everyone who had ever sat in a similar chair and witnessed what happened to the unfortunate wooden fixture winced as the Amazing Event took place.

'Someone's gonna be really MAD when he finds out…' mumbled one of the distraught onlookers.

'Not if we swap it with yours, he won't,' retorted Kenpachi.

'Then what are we going to say about the chair, whoever's it is, that broke? And more importantly, where am I going to sit?'

'Well then, maybe not yours, spoil-sport-Soifon, we could swap it with one of THEIRS, like, while their still unconscious, example right now.' Kenpachi gestured to the brave army ranks lead by a Dora-The-Explorer-Balloon bearing brave soul, ever willing to inhale helium.

'They'll kill us, or rather you, when they find out.'

'IF they find out. Chances are, they won't. We could just tell whoever we pick that he/she fell over one fine day and so coincidentally fell on it, crumbling it to unrecognizable pieces, unfixable by superglue.'

'I applaud thee for thy lengthy speech, O Wordy One,'

'Oh shut up, Iba.'

'I call for an encore, gentleman.'

'Oh shut up, Oomaeda.'

'Would sir care to give another lengthy speech, O Man of Few Words?'

'Oh shut up, Hitsu—wait HOW MANY OF YOU WERE EAVESDROPPING ON US??'

'Hey, Zaraki Kenpachi coming up with devious evil tactics, and citing off an entire paragraph? Who wouldn't listen?'

'Oh shut up, Renji.'

'O kind caring soul, would thou bother to treat us to a repeat of the until recently unprecedented?'

'Oh shut up, Soifon. And all of you stop talking like old grannies in those ancient storybooks we once caught Rukia reading!'

'It wasn't my fault! How many books does that doofus Ichigo have in his house anyway?'

'As a matter of fact, that doesn't happen to be my book!'

'Then whose is it? The Dust Bunnies' from fairyland?'

'YOURS!!'

'Oh shut up, you guys,' muttered Kenpachi.

'COOL!! KEN-CHAN SAID OH-SHUT-UP SIX TIMES!!'

'Crap. She's not supposed to find out about that kind of language…' mumbled the person in question.

'AND ONE CRAP! Ken-chan, what's it all mean?'

'Sentarou you lump get off my space'

'Kiyone you fatso get off MY space.'

'I am NOT in your space. The half-line we scratched is here, and you're crossing it. I, on the other hand, am not.'

'YOU drew the line! I can bet it's screwed! How can I trust it? Get off so I can check it!'

'YOU get off first!'

'I'm not that stupid you know!'

'AHHA so you admit you ARE stupid!'

'Not as stupid as YOU are.'

'You know as I recall it was YOU who broke the chair.'

'You SCRATCHED a half-line? On the soutaichou's table? You guys are gonna be SO dead…'

'Shut up and stay out of it, Hisagi. This is thirteenth-division matters.'

Rukia jumped onto the table and was greeted with identical glares from her two seniors.

'I'm thirteenth division, aren't i?'

'But since we're all gonna die for not fighting, I might as well join in.'

'AACK HISAGI GET OFF owowow this table can barely fit two people and then now there are four!'

'RUBBER DUCkIE!!' and someone pounced on, increasing the table's population by 25.

'AACK KIRA GET OFF owowow OWW get OFF I said—'

CRACK

'Ooh. I think that was the table. It's CRACKING!'

'Nice deduction, Kuchiki, like we couldn't figure out for ourselves.'

'THAT LOOKS LIKE FUN!!' and Nel jumped on from more than a metre away, knocking Grimmjow into the table as she jumped, sending him crashing into the base of the table as she landed.

Something happened to the table. Theoretically everyone should have been mortally injured, suffering trauma for the rest of their lives, especially Grimmjow. Strangely enough, as the table spontaneously combusted without the fire nobody seemed to be mortally wounded but rather unhappy, having lost their geographically higher status than anyone else in the room.

'I think I hear footsteps. Is someone coming?'

'I dunno. Listen harder.'

Hinamori and Matsumoto held a quiet conversation while playing the game thingie, leaving the combusting and exploding to the males.

'Yep. Someone's coming.'

'I wonder who'

'I was thinking that seireitei was rather quiet today,' said someone as he stepped into room with the combusting table, arguing males (with a few exceptions) and happily enjoying the free show females. That someone immediately took back his words as he stepped in and rephrased them. 'I was thinking that seireitei was rather quiet today WITH EXCEPTION of my division's quarters.'

Many pairs of eyes swivelled around the room to see Choutarou, Aka first division fukutaichou.

'OHhh…dearrrrrr, 'mumbled someone else, and that someone else was right.

Yamamoto Genryuusai Shigekuni (yes, yes, a very long name) stood ominously at what used to be a doorway and looked on at the useless shinigami and arrancar abusing his furniture. 'What, exactly, are you lot DOING?'

'Sir. We're playing this game thing that Kusajishi fukutaichou found in your PS. Oh, wait. She found the PS first. THEN she found the game. So she and taichou played ti and then everyone started coming in, and it got a bit cramped and everyone got a bit grumpy, and we couldn't find any more game consoles for your PS, and so everyone got grumpier, and then they started fighting, and then the—'

'Matsumoto fukutaichou, how long is this story?'

'well, you asked EXACTLY what happened! I'm just telling you exactly what happened according to what I know. If you want the full story you can approach either Kusajishi fukutaichou or taichou, though I think you'd have a lesser chance of dying an unnatural death if you went and asked Yachiru-chan…'

'I HEARD that, you evil being!'

'It's the TRUTH, SHORTY.'

'SHUT UP!'

'You might want to get a bit more sleep. Or jump. Or drink milk or something like that. You might get taller. MIGHT.'

'SHUT UUUUUUUUUP!!' thwack.

'OW!!'

The wrinkled cracked raisin (refer to chapter 1) stared on at the pointless argument between two supposedly very senior officers under his command. He cast a sideward glance at four others among his supposed senior ranks, one of which holding a balloon and debated on whether he should question further. He started to wonder whether he should demote some people and then realised, if he was demoting people because of this gaming incident, which involved his entire army, senior or not, there was nobody to promote.

'So, Kusajishi fukutaichou, what IS this game?'

'You wanna PLAY?? I can play it with you!'

'Sir, according to the calculations I have made, taking your age and intensive flashing lights involved in the game into account, in order not to end up gibbering like those four you see there, you should not play it for more than 0.0946365899532 seconds.'

'AH! NEMU! Thanks for doing the calculations! There's a moral to the story here: don't spend too much time in front of bright flashing lights!'

'THAT'S NOT A MORAL!'

'Then what is it?'

'a LESSON!!'

'INNIT THE SAME??'

The soutaichou suddenly thought of firing the entire Gotei 13 right there and then and start employing people from rukongai.


End file.
